Me: “Doctor, Help me Please!”
Doctor: “Relax, be calm, your face is all pink and it clashes with your red hair.”
Me: “See? That is what I a talking about! I know I have an obsession with the color pink.”
Me: “And you know what else????? (I said, sitting up from the ugly olive green couch that could use a couple of sofa pillows, ….pink would look nice!) “The Captain is an enabler”!!!!!!
Doctor: “How is that?”
Me: “Today, we went into Sam’s Club to buy the meat for the monthly potluck we host at church!”…..”And….”
Doctor: …..”What kind of meat were you buying?”
Me: ” I am trying to tell you how the Captain is an enabler and you ask me about meat?”
Doctor: “What kind of meat?”
Doctor: “I see, …..pink ham.”
Me: (Exasperated now) “This has nothing to do with a pink ham, Easter is just a few days away. No, this is about the Captain, because I saw a bouquet of pink carnations and all I said was ‘Aren’t they pretty:’... and the next thing I know, the Captain is thrusting them into my hands and as I cradled them in the crook of my arm…. I looked about as if looking at an audience and a panel of judges and I said something about, ‘thank you and I wish for World Peace’!!!
Doctor: “Hmmmmmmmm!” (I noticed he was now taking notes) “So did you like the color pink when you were growing up?” he asked tapping his pen on his chin.
Me: “That is what I have been trying to tell you. I grew up sorta like a tom boy. Oh, I liked to play with dishes and play house like all the rest of the girls, but as I think back to my teen clothes closet, I don’t remember seeing any pink.”….”I think it was because of my red hair!”
The Doctor nodded: “Go on, tell me about the clothes in your closet, close your eyes and describe your closet”
I closed my eyes and squinted to remember my closet. My goodness that was a long, long time ago.
Me: “Ok, as I look into my closet, I see a pair of faded pale blue jeans on the floor beside a pair of white buck shoes and a pair of brown penny loafers with, Yep!, a copper penny stuck in the slot across the top…..and a pile of clothes (I should have hung them up), laying in a heap towards the back of the small closet.”
Doctor: “Anything pink that you can see?”
Me: “Nooooo”, (I say pensively as I am trying to picture my closet.) “I see a pair of turquoise stretch stirrup pants”.
“And a white crinoline folded over a wire hanger…. with about 5 inches of ribbon on the bottom hem, scotch taped, because I accidentally caught my heel in it and ripped it at school and I had no way to mend it.”
“I also see a yellow sleeveless blouse with a front placket pocket, AND a full skirt in a brown paisley print.”
Doctor: “Look closer.”
I opened one squinty eye to look at this supposedly ‘learned man’ asking me about my teen years’ clothes closet. Was he a pervert?
You never know these days, but I closed my squinty eye when I see he is doing nothing out of the ordinary.
Me: “I see a big wide black belt with the gold buckle threaded through the top of a wire hanger, I see a gray coat with a kelly green scarf looped through a button hole. I see another white blouse with a Peter Pan collar that is a bit wrinkled”…. (I hated ironing I thought to myself)…. “I see a black wool straight skirt (finally a trendy item) but….. I always had to wear a slip under it because it itched, so I rarely wore it.”….(I thought a little harder) “Oh, and I see a blue cardigan sweater hanging on a hanger…Oh my gosh! What was I thinking? You never hang a sweater on a hanger…but as I look closely, I see the sweater was pilling…you know little tiny balls of fuzz!….Oh wait, I think I see something pink….(I sighed loudly), no, it is only a pink can of Aqua Net hair spray rolling around the closet floor!”
The Doctor cleared his throat, nervously.
Doctor: “Still no pink? What about when you were younger?”
Me: “Gosh, I can hardly remember my teen closet. How can I remember earlier? Although”,…… (I continued) “I do remember one year for Easter, my mother made my sister and me little yellow pleated skirts with matching suspender-like straps. I loved that little yellow skirt. We wore them with little white blouses”
Suddenly, the room got quiet as I didn’t say anything and the Doctor didn’t say anything.
Finally, I broke the silence.
Me: “Well, there is nothing else to say.”
Doctor: “Yes, there is. Think back to recently… when did you become so enamored with the color pink.”
Me: “Well, I would say about two years ago when I set up the Christmas tree in our Master bedroom. I decorated the white flocked tree with pale pink and pale blue ornaments. I also added white boxes tied up with pink ribbon under the tree and tossed a pink blanket over one of my white arm chairs.”
“I even repeated the decor for last Christmas, adding a pretty pink gingerbread house and pink finials..”
Doctor: “You must of liked that combination.”
Me: “Yes! And I used pink velvet pumpkins on my Thanksgiving table.”
Me: “When Valentine’s Day rolled around this year, I decided to gather up all my pink items, plus I purchased a few more pink items and set up a tablescape all pretty in pink.”
“I iced cupcakes with pink frosting, dug out pink candles and pink dishes and pink stemmed wine glasses.
I really loved the pink look.”
Me: “But now I think I have gone too far. I bought a new soap dispenser filled with pink grapefruit smelling liquid hand soap and dish soap. And I don’t even like grapefruit or the smell of it, but it was pink and it was pretty.”
Doctor: “Now, we are getting somewhere.”
Me: “And I saw a pink vase, a pink tea kettle and another pink candle and I couldn’t help myself. I see pink and I have to have it.”
Doctor: Smiling now, “Keep going!” he encouraged.
Me: “I bought a Kitchen Aid mixer in pink!” (I was on a roll now) even though I already had a red one and an apple green one.
Doctor: “Yes! I see a pattern here!” Now, the Doctor is getting excited.
Me: “Help me Doctor…what should I do?”
The Doctor ripped a script from his script pad and handed the paper to me.
Doctor: “It is simple. You are in a pink phase and this too shall pass…. but while you are in this state of mind, I suggest you channel your creativity and write a blog.”
Me: “A blog?” I stammer.
Doctor: “Yes, you will be able to use all your pink items in the blog and when you tire of pink, and you will….you can start with another color.”
The Doctor ushered me to the door.
Doctor: “Now, go home, take two aspirin, rest and come up with ideas for using all your pink items in a post.”
Have a great and Blessed Day!