I want to start with an apology!
I’m not sorry that I am posting an alleged Jeff Foxworthy dialog, I am sorry that the dialog is true, and a bit embarrassing!
However, an apology to Jeff Foxworthy if he is not given credit where credit is due. 🙂
I was born in the middle of Kansas, and lived there most of my life.
I also lived in Kansas City…but on the Missouri side of the river….Kansas City, Kansas is on the other side of the river that separates both states.
And yes, during my many travels and places of living, I have heard the phrase….“you are not in Kansas anymore” more times than I care to say.
And I have been also known to say…as I click my heels together, “I want to go home”!
And for those who have followed me regularly…you know my love of Kansas sports!
I tried to find out if Jeff Foxworthy should be credited for the below “If you are….” dialog, and I couldn’t find anything to confirm or deny. I also tried to find out if members of his family live in Derby, Kansas, a suburb of Wichita, Kansas… (just for a perspective) ….but I was not able to confirm or deny that either.
So having issued a disclaimer and an apology…please read the below dialog and feel free to shake your head or even laugh! I smiled at every one of them.
If you’re proud that your region makes the national news at least 96 times each year because it’s the hottest or the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wichita, Kansas.
If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his fore head, you might live in Pratt, Kansas.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Colby, Kansas.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Kansas.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Kansan WHEN ‘Vacation’ means going east or west on I-70 for the weekend.
If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Kansas.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Medicine Lodge, Kansas.
If you often switch from ‘Heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you might live in Fredonia, Kansas.
If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, you might live in Kansas City, Kansas.
If you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Great Bend, Kansas.
If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Augusta, Kansas.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Manhattan, Kansas.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Wichita, Kansas.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Pittsburg, Kansas.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Derby, Kansas.
If “Going Down South” means Oklahoma, you might live in Coffeyville, Kansas.
If a brat is something you eat, you might live in Altoona, Kansas.
If your idea of going out to eat is a tail gate party every Friday, you might live in Cimarron, Kansas.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car; you might live in Goodland, Kansas.
If you find 0 degrees to be ‘a little chilly’, you might live in Concordia, Kansas.
If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Kansas friends — you might live (or once lived) in Kansas.
Have a wonderful day…no matter where you are from and no apology necessary! 🙂